Archive for May, 2011
Today is mothers day. I, myself have 5 children. However, I did not spend any of today with my own kids. Nope. None. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Why, you might ask.
I spent today with other people’s children.
Yep. Seriously. I spent today with three different foster kids that I work with. I spent 6 hours with the youngest one.
Yes, I did say 6 (six) hours. Why? Well, today is her normal staffing day, and her foster mom wanted to keep the day free for herself. And how did the 9 year old feel about that? Well, she wasn’t thrilled. However, I think that she is used to it by now.
See her mom has lost all of her parental rights and she has had a series of foster moms. And 2 years ago, she had an adoptive mom. One that told her that her house and her family would be her ‘forever home’. That lasted all of 6 weeks. Then they brought her back like someone else would take a defective toaster back to Wallyworld.
Return on register one!
Oh, and the ‘forever home’ nonsense? Well, she just wasn’t the little princess they thought she was going to be. This was discovered after they let her choose all of her new furniture for her new room. And the paint scheme. And bought her lots of new toys. Guess how much of that came with her when they ‘returned’ her? NONE.
She has been in her current home since then, almost 2 years. I have hopes that they will continue to keep her and maybe even adopt her soon. But then something like Mother’s Day comes up and she is uninvited to the family day.
The other two I spent time with were mainly doing transports between their weekend respite and their current foster homes.
One of them told me that she feels like I am her mother because I am the only one that she knows she can talk too. Sad thing is that this is the first time I have been able to staff her for 3 months. The comparison between the last staffing I did with her and this weekends is not good. So many of the behaviors that I thought we had eliminated have returned. As has the black dress and self destructive behavior.
She ages out of care in about 6 weeks and due to our wonderful system will have no where and no one to go home to if she blows out of placement. Just a junior in high school, no marketable skills and NOT mature enough to be on her own.
Welcome to adulthood!
Makes me very sad and upset. Once she ages out, ethically I can no longer help her. How exactly does that make sense?
When exactly did society decide that it is ok to throw kids away?
Why don’t we see that we are throwing away our future?
What is wrong with the human race?
THAT’S how I spent my Mother Day.
Sunday is my favorite day to read the blogs. I especially enjoy the Post Secret blog. I have been reading it for almost two years now and I am always amazed that every Sunday I can read a secret in the blog that I could have written my self. If I had the guts to put it down on paper and then mail it in to a stranger. I think that would be amazingly freeing.
As a therapist, I encourage people to tell me their secrets everyday so that I can help them to deal with the issues that having that particular secret brings. I like to think that I am fairly good at figuring out other people’s problems and why they do the things that they do. However, like most therapists, I fail at my own. Epically.
It is sad really, that I would have learned the tool necessary to help others feel better about their lives and yet I am unable to do so fo my self. I understand that this is fairly typical. Like the plumber that has leaky pipes in his own home or the shoemakers kids that go barefoot. (seriously! who even uses those any more? My kids really don’t even know what the second one means. After all shoes are made by machines and bought in stores… But I digress.)
I know exactly what to tell parents/caregivers that are having issues with their child back talking. I know how to get it in check and start the family back on the road to being whole and happy again. However, my kids are mouthy. Can I get them tho stop? Uh, no.
I am constantly telling care givers to slow down and schedule time for themselves. “You have to do it to prevent burnout” I tell them. Yes, I tell them that, while I am burning out.
Talked to a nutritionist yesterday and was told the same thing. I have to take time out for me. I need to schedule the things that are important to me. Or I simply am not going to make it or be here for my kids when they need me. I can see the value of saving something for later rather than using everything up now, but I don’t know how to go about doing it if it is myself that is what is being used up. TIred. Burnt out.
Sigh. Right now it is after midnight. I should be in bed trying to sleep. I don’t sleep well as it is and I know that I will be on a crisis call again tomorrow, with the same child that was trying all of our patients tonight. and yet… here I am. Go figure.
I guess if I were smart, I would end this now, shut down my laptop and go to bed.
It’s times like this that I really really wish I were smart….
Category:
*Note: The first one deals with work.
The second is work adjacent.
Shhh.... I have a secret 
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