Shhh…. I have a secret

July…. 2012 or 2013

My ex mother in-law is currently dying. She has been sick for a while, but has taken a turn for a the worse lately.  My daughter stayed with her Auntie for two weeks helping to take care of her grandmother. She did very well holding it together despite that side of the family telling her horror stories about growing up and trying to kill all of her good memories of her grandmother. Luckily, I have raised her well and she is strong enough to tell them all to knock it off and to walk away- and took her Auntie with her.

I took my older son from that marriage down to basically say goodbye to his grandmother.  Things were not as bad as I thought they were going to be, but, the Aunt and I think that Gma was rallying and counting down the people she had to see and say goodbye to. She made the comment that she had one grandchild left to see.

I thought that she and I had worked things out years ago. It took us several years, and the birth of the only male to carry on the family name, to learn to get along. She was actually the only parent I had ever met that didn’t like me. I think it was simply because I was marrying her baby boy. (Despite the fact that until she met me, she thought that he might be gay, since he hung out with his little gang of 5 other male friends). However, on our way home, dearest daughter told me that she had a conversation with one of her other Aunties and her grandmother. Her other auntie had asked what she heard from her biodad lately and dearest daughter told her that she hadn’t heard from her dad since she was 13, and that he had basically abandoned her and little bro. Dearest then stated that gma went on the defensive and stated that was all my fault, because I had sent back all of the letters and packages and intercepted the phone calls. Dearest is no fool, she is aware that I didn’t do this and said so. She also stated that she has had a phone of her own for 9 years and has tried to call her dad and he has hung up on her, more than once. Dearest made it known that she was aware that I actively encouraged both her and little bro to try to keep in contact with their biodad and that he was the one that chose to sever the contact.

I have to admit that this really hurt. Why? I don’t know. I thought we had come to grips with all of this crap years ago. But it still hurts that she thinks that I would keep the kids from their biodad. Gma knows how important I believe family is. I have tried to make sure that the kids see their Gparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Now I am angry and I am not sure that I want to take either of the kids back down there. I think I have said my goodbyes. I will let sleeping dogs lie. And I guess I will allow Gma to believe her idiot sons l