Shhh…. I have a secret

Number 16, or when my life totally went to Hell.

16 was Curt J. One of very few people who I wish I had never met, nor known was on the planet. This is the first time that my life and relationships truly took a sadistic turn. This is still a period in my life that I almost never talk about, few of my closest friends even know what happened during this time and none of them know the full story.

I am actually not sure I still know the entire story, since there are parts that I have forever (hopefully) blanked out in my mind. There are other parts that are so entrenched in my mind that they have had a large part in shaping who I am as a person and how I look at the world.

Be warned this is not a pretty story. It isn’t funny nor does it have a happy ending. However it is completely true.

I met Curt while rebounding from Bobby. Here again was an older man who thought I was beautiful and said all of the right things. He paid attention to me and seemed to never want to be away from me. At least that is how it seemed in the beginning. He was pretty clueless when it came to physical relationships (yes, he was a virgin) and fumbled around a lot, before I took over and ‘taught him the ways between a man and a woman’. Yeah, not as glamorous as it sounds. In fact sleeping with virgins is in my opinion vastly overrated.

I was working and had an apartment, (the one Bobby and I shared), and he got kicked out of his home. Long story short, he moved in with me. Mistake number two. (Mistake number one was meeting him in the first place!) To begin with everything was fine. Slowly he started to have periods of intense obsessiveness and jealousy. At first I was flattered that he thought I was so attractive that any other man on the planet was trying to take me away from him.

Then the rages started. I had no idea what was going on or where they were coming from.

The first physical fight we got into was just before Christmas. I don’t know what started it or even what it was about. I just remember pulling the car over and getting out. I was upset and needed some time to calm down. We were in the country and it seemed like a good place to walk and talk. He came out the door and around the car so fast! He grabbed me and started yelling in my face. He shook me and put his hand around my neck. I was stunned. I had no idea what to think. He ended up grabbing my pearl necklace and yanking it off. Pearls flew everywhere! He screamed “Now look what you made me do!” in my face.

At this point, a farmer drove by and asked if there was anything wrong or if I needed any help. I was young, stupid and embarrassed, so of course I said no.

The farmer stopping seemed to have calmed Curt down. He backed off and we got back into the car and left.

Curt later apologized. It was the first of many.