Shhh…. I have a secret

Another part of my dissertation worked on.

I feel like Sisyphus rolling that rock up a hill. Every time I think I have something done, it comes back with remarks. Yes, I am aware that as a doctoral candidate things need to be done just so. But, seriously!

At least this Subject Matter Expert is soooo much btter than the last. She approved my first chapter the second time I sent it in.

The second chapter, she just kept sending it back with no feedback, just saying it wasn’t good enough. Even my chair said it was fine. We finally had to request a new SME. He is great! He makes suggestions and explains where he thinks I have an issue. Not to mention he passed the chapter. And passed chapter three on the first try!

Now my proposal is with the academic editor. We’ll see how long this takes. I am hoping not long, but I feel there are problems with chapter one. Just a hunch.

Other than that, things are starting to look up, with one major exception.

We are pretty sure that our 14 year old dog is dying. She is refusing to eat much. Her back legs give out on her and she just plops down. She is starting to wander in circles, like she has no idea what she was going to do.

Her sister is starting to cuddle up when she sleeps, which is new. Always right with her. We think that she knows and is providing comfort and starting to say good bye. Even our cat is paying more attention and rubbing under her chin.

I don’t know what we should do. None of us are ready to say goodbye.

I know that we have to look at her quality of life and make a decision. But when and how do you decide that it is bad enough? That it’s time to say goodbye?

Obviously we would rather that she bounces back and becomes the dog she has always been, but realistically we know that isn’t going to happen. I’m not sure that I am going to be able to take her to the vet and have her put to sleep. It’s like giving up on her. But, would that be easier that having her die at home?

We had that happen a couple of years ago when our 22 year old cat died. She had been unwell for a long time, and honestly it was hard to see her at the end.

Are we being selfish prolonging her life because we can’t say goodbye?

My son said that getting a pet is buying a time to mourn in the future.

But isn’t that what we do anytime we let someone into our lives?

It sucks to be a grown up.