Shhh…. I have a secret

I am frustrated for a different reason right now.

I turned in my proposal draft on the 21st of June. 20 days ago.

I emailed the academic reader (AR) on the 2nd of July.

We are at 20 days since I turned it in. The waiting period is supposed to be 10 days at max. We are at twice that now.

I have done my proposal defense power point, all I lack is to actually present it, which I can’t do until after I turn in a completed proposal.

I have done my CITI training. I have written my confidentiality agreement.

There is nothing else I can do until I turn in the proposal, that I have to get back first in order to turn it in.

My class ends this Sunday. I have already reached out to the dean of the psychology department and let her know where I am at and what I have done so far. I have an extension.

But I could have been done with this class if the proposal had been returned on time.

Not much I can do. Lord knows I don’t want to piss off the AR.

After all of this time worrying about getting here, I have nothing to do but wait now that I am. Not doing well with that!

Plus, I am on a new blood pressure medication. I am not responding well to it. I am dizzy on and off. It comes in waves. It is not because my blood pressure is too low. I checked it, and it has not really changed. Unfortunately, it is one that can’t just be stopped without titrating off of it or replacing it with another BP med. I can’t get in to see my doctor until next week. There are no doctors in the office tomorrow.

It is also affecting my moods. My husband, bless him, is trying to keep me in line, but my anxiety and anger are borderline out of control. And I am tired. Like the beginning of pregnancy, tired. Foggy brain too. But, If you have followed me at all, you know that pregnancy is not even a possibility. Hysterectomy makes that impossible. Other things too, but I won’t get into that here.

I have a quandary. And no idea what I should do.

Tried to go shopping this afternoon. I was heading into town rather than staying in this berg. But stopped to get an energy drink. Almost passed out in the parking lot. Got my drink and a couple of things we had to have, and gave up. I knew it was too dangerous for me to drive into town and shop alone.

I had to take some medical equipment into town yesterday (had to be in by noon and husband had another appointment). Got into town, turned it in. Went to go home. Almost passed out a number of times on the way home. Scared me. So, I decided not to try that again after the Safeway experience.

Had to come home and tell husband that I wasn’t going anywhere. I gave up.

That is not like me. I am too stubborn to give up.

But for the safety of others, I did.

Now what do I do?